I Was Ready to Donate My Kidney. The Surgeon Said No. Can You Say Yes?
Read the full story, then choose: get screened to donate—or be the megaphone that finds the donor
Yesterday, I was scheduled for surgery to donate a kidney to an acquaintance, John, who attends my church. It didn’t happen.
The process began 16 months ago when the Bishop (think lay pastor) of our ward (congregation) of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (often called the Mormons) asked us to fast and pray for John to receive a miracle.
At the time, I scoffed a bit at the notion of a miracle, thinking he just needed a donor. I began the process, inspired by my cousin, Eric Thorpe, who had just two months earlier donated his kidney to whoever needed it. (Eric says he was inspired to do it because a college chum had needed a kidney five years earlier when Eric had cancer and couldn’t donate, so as soon as he was clear to donate, he did—paying it forward.)
The transplant coordinator explained to me shortly after my pre-op appointment that the center had never rejected a donor at this late stage before, but the surgeon spotted a concern on my CT scan that everyone else had missed up to that point.
I was heartbroken, but I want you to think about John. Really. Think about John.
He’s been on dialysis now for three years. It has a health-preserving effectiveness that averages about four years. John’s health hasn’t been great. For much of the time I was being screened, the coordinator reported that he wasn’t currently eligible to receive a kidney—he wasn’t healthy enough (and that bar is pretty low, unlike for donors).
Then, the miracle happened. My candidacy as a donor was never assured due to my age and health. I’m quite healthy, but the bar for donation is exactly that high. After 13 months, I cleared the bar like an Olympic high jumper, setting a new record by the width of a literal hair. So 90 days ago, we penciled in the date of August 26 (immediately following SuperCrowd25) for the surgery. The miracle: John was ready. He’d recovered sufficiently to receive a kidney!
Throughout this process, I’d mentioned my efforts to John’s family only once and lived to regret it—I got bad news about my eligibility shortly after, and it took months longer to prove to the transplant team I was genuinely good to go.
With the date set, I finally opened a direct dialogue with John. I texted:
We're on for the 26th of August! You can start counting down the dialysis appointments.
He responded:
Hey Devin, I just wanted to reach out and say I finally saw your message—one of the most important texts I’ve ever received… I don’t even have the words to thank you properly.
We’ve spoken several times since. I now think of him as a genuine friend. He’s truly a great human being. Let me tell you how great.
When my pre-op appointment kiboshed the whole deal, I was deeply disappointed but heartbroken thinking of John. My wife and I were organizing ourselves to take him flowers. Then, I remembered the bureaucracy. What if he didn’t know? I couldn’t be the one to tell him.
In my angst, I got the following text from John:
I had a whole different message in the works to send you… but sometimes things just don’t go the way they’re planned.
I’m still in absolute awe of your selflessness—your willingness to give such a tremendous gift to someone you didn’t even know says everything about your heart and your giving nature. That kind of generosity is something I’ll never forget, and I’m thankful for you despite how today turned out.
I truly hope whatever they found isn’t anything too serious and that you can get it taken care of quickly. Please know that if there’s ever anything I can do for you, you only have to ask.
From the bottom of my heart—thank you.
—John
He was worried about me! I’m healthy as a horse, pretty nearly, and he’s worried about me. I tell you, this human being is good to the core.
I’d have been angry, disappointed, frustrated and would have been inclined to blame the failed donor. Not John.
(Keep reading below.)
So, I have a favor to ask of the 10,000 members of the SuperCrowd. Please help me help John. This is an urgent appeal!
John will be lucky to have one more year of eligibility to receive a kidney. That sounds like a long time. Having just spent 16 months in the process, I assure you it isn’t a long time. We must act now!
John and I are fortunate to have the most common blood type. Nearly a quarter of human beings could be a good match for him. Are you?
The thing is, that doesn’t matter. Why not? Unless you happen to live in Northern California, if you were to donate, you’d not give directly to John anyway. More likely than not, you’d donate through the National Kidney Registry. You’d give them John’s name as your primary recipient, and they’d take your kidney and give it to someone else—and then take someone else’s kidney, a good match for John, and give it to him.
You can also list several backup candidates —folks who don’t need kidneys now but may need them later. List your friends and relatives with diabetes, the number one risk factor for kidney failure. If something happens, heaven forbid, and John can’t take a kidney, your family members will be on the list. Should one ever need a kidney, they’ll get one quickly!
My friends and relatives who are diabetics—and there are a lot of you out there—aren’t eligible to donate a kidney. High blood pressure is the second leading cause of kidney failure. However, if your blood pressure is well-controlled with diet, exercise, and medications (up to two), you may be eligible (I was!).
Kidney donation isn’t painless, I’m afraid. Eric shared all of the gory details with me. I’ll spare you, but if you want, ChatGPT can explain it. You need to plan on being out of work for six weeks, in the hospital for a few days, and mostly resting for a few weeks. You’ll likely be cleared to drive and fly after just two weeks.
I’m not going to share John’s name here. But I implore you to consider donating a kidney for his benefit. If you are healthy and start now, you could save his life. I’m sorry I can’t, but I’m hoping someone in the SuperCrowd can.
Reach out to me at devin@thesupercrowd.com if you would like more details. Let’s chat. I’ll share John’s name so you can name him as your target beneficiary.
If you can’t donate, I completely understand. I couldn’t. Please do John a favor. Please share the hell out of this post. Let’s find John a kidney before it is too late.
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